Viewing all items in Resource Category: Smile Lines

Laodicean fervour? Miscellaneous observations With school-days in mind… Trouble Cheers Mitre Heaven and hell Church council To travel hopefully Crowd Nun Sins ** Laodicean fervour? The Laodicean church is described in the Bible in the book of The Revelation as being lukewarm. If the Laodiceans were to have a hymnal, suitable for their conviction, here’s...

Do you know your hymns? Dentist’s Hymn…………Crown Him with Many Crowns Weatherman’s Hymn……… There Shall Be Showers of Blessings Contractor’s Hymn………..The Church’s One Foundation Tailor’s Hymn…………..Holy, Holy, Holy Golfer’s Hymn…………There’s a Green Hill Far Away ** Epitaphs found on headstones In London: Here lies Ann Mann Who lived an old maid But died an old...

Egg Church notice:  This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs Cusworth to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. ** The bishop’s visit A bishop was visiting a small church in his diocese for Easter.  He wanted the young people to understand what he had to say about the Good Shepherd, so...

Sign in church The new curate had put some signs around the church.  They read: Keep your eyes on me preaching! Stop reading these signs! ** Query If you can quote lines out of the Bible, are you well-versed in it? ** Grannie After church, the mother asked her young son if he had enjoyed...

Some miscellaneous observations on modern life… A cabbie is a fare-minded person. A closed mouth gathers no foot. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. A job at the nursery can lead to a budding career. A...

New Year Resolution I always make the same resolution and I have never once broken it: every year I resolve to give something up for Lent and then when Lent comes, I give up my New Year’s resolution. ** Sermon   A boy was watching his father, a minister, write a sermon and asked how he...

With Christmas in mind…. What do you call a cat in the desert?  Sandy Claws. What goes oh oh oh? Santa walking backwards. What did the dog get for Christmas?  A mobile bone. Who delivers presents to sharks at Christmas?  Santa Jaws. What did Adam say in the Garden of Eden on December 24? It’s...

Worried son Wake Died in the services Last chance? Say that again? What bishops do When children tell Bible stories (real-life efforts that didn’t quite make it…) As for those signs found outside churches: Can’t scare me Top job Church membership Vacuum cleaner Some miscellaneous observations on life … Cats & teenagers ** Worried son...

A different kind of diet Each day I aim to eat something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the ‘whatever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is’ group. ** All free! The nursery teacher decided to tell her class about democracy. ‘We live in a great country,’ she began. ‘One of...

The hot heckler Baby on way Good husband Hear our prayer? Alternative prayer Don’t sleep angry How to get to heaven Hearing is not believing Old leaf? Deliver us… Some musings on daily life ** The hot heckler Tony Benn, who used a hearing aid, recalled a meeting in a church hall on a terribly...

The Lion’s Den A Sunday school teacher was telling the story of Daniel in the Lion’s Den. She described the hunger and ferocity of the lions, and then showed her class a picture of Daniel standing brave and confident right in the middle of them all.  Suddenly one little girl began to cry. The teacher...

Smile Lines   Not covered by insurance A recent letter that appeared in The Independent newspaper: ‘Following the recent major flooding, I find myself out of pocket, due to what I am informed is an ”act of God.” To avoid future financial embarrassment, please could you recommend an atheist insurance company?   Inner peace If...