Viewing all items in Resource Category: Smile Lines
A selection of jokes and humour to ‘lift’ your magazine, and make your readers smile
- Why Jesus walked on water A tourist, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast when he found it would cost £50 an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee. “Goodness,” he objected to the travel agent. “In England it would not have been more than £20.” “That might be true,”...Smile Lines (all) for May 2020
- Palm waving It was Palm Sunday, but five-year-old Jamie stayed at home with mum because of a bad cold. When his father and sisters returned, they were carrying several palm fronds. His sister explained: “People held them over Jesus’ head as He walked by.” “That’s not fair!” Jamie protested. “The one Sunday I don’t go,...Smile-lines (all) for April 2020
- Church Magazine Bloomers A senior moment Colourful writing Mini Pastoral care And then…. Prayers Smart money Posh pooch Lullaby Wet Family car ** Editor: We have included some of these in previous years, but they are so much fun that if you haven’t yet seen them, you really should…. Church Magazine Bloomers You know what...Smile-lines (all) for March 2020
- Editor: with 14th February and romantic love on the mind: Adam and Eve Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked. Take me out An elderly single woman died last month. ...Smile Lines (all) for February 2020
- I’ll sing to that… There was a church where the new minister and the organist were not getting along. As time went by this began to spill over into the worship service. One week the minister preached on commitment and how we all should dedicate ourselves to the service of God. The organist played: ‘We...Smile Lines (all) for January 2020
- Shopping The manager of a department store put this notice in the window: ‘If you need it this Christmas, we have it.’ But in the window of a rival, a sign appeared, stating: ‘If we don’t have it, you don’t need it.’ ** Wise? When I told my children the story of how the Wise...Smile-Lines for December 2019
- Expectant The rector of a church had just made the happy announcement that a member of the congregation was with child. Then he reminisced a bit: ‘As far as I know, there have been no pregnancies in this church for years – until I arrived!’ ** Apostolic An old lady went to church and heard...Smile Lines (all) for November 2019
- A vampire story for Halloween Ghost Stories The Feud Definitions The sermon Warning Family Bible surprise Funeral School When insults had class Some miscellaneous one-liners Opting out Posters Prayers as heard by children ** A vampire story for Halloween Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, were travelling through Europe in their car,...Smile-lines (all) for October 2019
- ** Where now? A teacher was finishing up a lesson on the joys of discovery and the importance of curiosity. “Where would we be today,” she asked, “if no one had ever been curious?” There was a pause, and then one child ventured: “In the garden of Eden?” ** Sit where you like Whilst serving...Smile Lines (all) for September 2019
- Washed away A grandmother took her little grandson to the beach. They were having a good time until a huge wave came in and swept the boy out to sea! The grandmother fell on her knees and cried to the heavens: “Please, Lord, return my grandson! Please! PLEASE!” Lo and behold, a wave swelled from...Smile Lines (all) for August 2019
- Signs found outside churches – It is unlikely there’ll be a reduction in the wages of sin. – If you don’t like the way you were born, try being born again. – Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon. – This is a ch_ _ch What is...Smile-lines (all) for July 2019
- Laodicean fervour? Miscellaneous observations With school-days in mind… Trouble Cheers Mitre Heaven and hell Church council To travel hopefully Crowd Nun Sins ** Laodicean fervour? The Laodicean church is described in the Bible in the book of The Revelation as being lukewarm. If the Laodiceans were to have a hymnal, suitable for their conviction, here’s...Smile Lines (all) for June 2019