Viewing all items in Resource Category: Smile Lines

Church bulletin notices that didn’t quite work…   Attraction Better by half Reasons for marriage Gardening Marriage Laundry DIY Find and replace Plant Man and wife Grandmothers This next one… Miscellaneous observations on life ** Church bulletin notices that didn’t quite work…   ~ The Revd John Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of...

** When Children and RE mix… When children meet the Bible, the result can be unpredictable. As in these answers to a school chaplain’s efforts to teach RE…. ~ The main purpose of the prophets was to set up the lights for when Jesus came on the stage. ~ The Kingdom of God is no...

** Sea of Galilee A vicar planning an Easter pilgrimage to the Holy Land was shaken when he found it would cost him £50 an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee. He protested to the travel agent that the cost was ridiculous. “That might be true,” replied the travel agent, “but...

** If biblical headlines were written by today’s secular media On Red Sea crossing:   WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE Pursuing environmentalists killed On David vs. Goliath: HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION Psychologist questions influence of rock On Elijah on Mt. Carmel: FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY 400 killed On the birth of Christ:...

Giving up for Lent At the end of the pre-Lent sermon, the vicar suggested, as an example to the rest of the community, that the congregation should worship in an unheated church for the whole of Lent.  As they made their way into the chill Sunday air the vicar addressed one member of the congregation,...

** Six songs of the lukewarm church Blest Be the Tie that Doesn’t Cramp my Style Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me I Surrender … Some I’m Fairly Certain that My Redeemer Lives Sit up, Sit up for Jesus Take My Life – and Let Me Be ** A Bible quiz – of sorts! What...

** Santa I am terrified of the Santa at the shopping centre where I work. Our HR lady talked it over with me, and has discovered I am Claustrophobic. ** Christmas card Richard, my husband, and I had a hectic Christmas holiday schedule involving work, care of parents, driving of teenagers, shopping, and all the...

** Where? A rather long-winded preacher was dealing with the Old Testament prophets, one by one.  “And now,” he propounded, “we reach Isaiah. Where shall I put Isaiah?” At that, a little man in the front row stood up. “He can have my seat. I am going home!” ** With winter sports in mind The...

Did you mean what you just said? The following are genuine notes left for milkmen. ~  Dear Milkman: I’ve just had a baby, please leave another one. ~  Cancel one pint after the day after today. ~  Please don’t leave any more milk. All they do is drink it. ~  Please close the gate behind...

Editor:  Local church life picks up again in September…when notices start flying around again… Real life extracts from church notices that didn’t come out quite right… * Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference:  The cost for attending the Prayer & Fasting conference includes meals. * Report in a church magazine:  Miss Charlene...

Editor:  We offer these classics, some of which you may have seen, but just in case you haven’t…  As you enjoy your children during the holidays, remember … You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and...

Solar power Baptism Heaven help me Are you camping this summer?  Here are some helpful hints… Pleasure US Holiday Advertising terms explained The kiss Pay for what you get Seagull Summer guide to modern science around the house Grandchildren The lady who wanted three hymns Greeting Card Spider ** Solar power Somebody finally invented a...