Viewing all items in Resource Category: St James The Least of All

The Rectory St James the Least My dear Nephew Darren I was sorry to hear that your church was broken into last week. Since your sound system rivals that of any concert hall and your projection equipment would put most cinemas to shame, it is not surprising that is what they had their sights on....

The Rectory St James the Leas My dear Nephew Darren This has been an unusual month: we have moved from hysterical excitement to deep disappointment within the space of days. For many years, our vestry has displayed an oil painting generously donated by the Dowager Duchess of Stansby – given to us, I suspect, because...

The Rectory St James the Least My dear Nephew Darren A Spring parish picnic is always a good idea – although you must bear some details in mind. First, whatever date you choose will turn out be the wettest of the year. English picnics are invariably eaten under umbrellas while wearing Wellingtons and the sort...

The Rectory St James the Least My dear Nephew Darren Consider yourself fortunate that your churchyard consists of no more than a small, paved area, and that keeping it tidy requires ten minutes of picking up discarded takeaway boxes on Sunday morning. Our four acres of grass and randomly placed gravestones absorbs a large portion...

The Rectory St James the Least My dear Nephew Darren It seemed such an innocent suggestion. A local farmer announced he wanted to arrange a Spring music festival. I could already hear Mozart string quartets being played in our Lady Chapel, and arias from Donizetti operas being sung al frescoin the Glebe field, while we...

The Rectory St James the Least of All My dear Nephew Darren I am glad you enjoyed your conference, but please do not be deluded into thinking that conferences are there to teach you anything. Conferences exist to provide another entry on your CV, to give you time off while flattering yourself that you are...

The Rectory St James the Least of All My dear Nephew Darren Your annual accounts – all 146 pages, bound in their plastic covers and laid out in faultless detail – really are most impressive. I was rather envious to note you have a clergy ‘discretionary fund’; if I were to be given such a...

The Rectory St James the Least of All My dear Nephew Darren After all these years, I now understand why the non-conformist denominations sit down, rather than kneel, to say their prayers. That way, no decisions have to be taken over the number, size, shape, colour, material and design of kneelers in church. Our present...

The Rectory St James the Least of All My dear Nephew Darren You really should not worry about having reversed your car into the bishop’s gatepost, knocking it over and destroying his rose-beds. It gives him an opportunity to exercise Christian forgiveness. Your real mistake was scribbling a note of apology and pushing it through...

The Rectory St James the Least of All My dear Nephew Darren It has all been excitement and activity here this last week, with a period drama being filmed using our church. It was remarkable how many people felt the need to drop in to church to collect magazines, check the reading rota or arrange...

The Rectory St James the Least of All My dear Nephew Darren As with many of your ideas, your intentions are admirable; it is just that they don’t work. So it was with the recent wedding in your church, where you allowed the happy but quite mad young couple to try and imitate the marriage...

The Rectory St James the Least of All My dear Nephew Darren Now you have got your new telephone system in the parish, I shall not be calling you again. I refuse to wait for ten minutes every time I ring to have to listen to the cycle of ‘press 1 for the vicar, 2...