Viewing all items in Resource Category: Smile Lines

** Mea Culpa A group of lads took a trip to France and decided to attend Mass in a small town, even though none of them understood French. They managed to stand, kneel and sit when the rest of the congregation did, so it wouldn’t be obvious they were tourists. At one point, the priest...

Divine Intervention? A little boy was playing outside with his mother’s broom in the garden. That night his mother realised her broom was still missing and asked her son to go out and bring it in. When the little boy confessed he was afraid of the dark, his mother tried to comfort him: ‘The Lord...

Things we would not have known without Sunday School With your eyes closed for prayer, anything can happen in a room full of pre-schoolers. Squash and song motions do not mix. When dropped, offering money always rolls to the other side of the room. Children’s prayer requests reveal a lot about their parents. **  Bishop...

Hymns for seasoned citizens The Old Rugged Face Precious Lord, Take My Hand, And Help Me Up It is Well With My Soul, But My Knees Hurt Nobody Knows the Trouble I Have Seeing Amazing Grace, Considering My Age Just a Slower Walk With Thee Count Your Many Birthdays, Name Them One by One Go...

** The cat A vicar and his wife were going out for the evening, and carefully set the security lights and put the cat out. But when they opened the door to go to the taxi, the cat slipped back in and disappeared upstairs. Irritated, the vicar followed it. The wife waited with the taxi...

Editor:  Children don’t always hear Christmas carols quite right…. Children’s Christmas Carols Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly We three kings of porridge and tar On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me Later on we’ll perspire, as we dream by the fire. He’s makin a list, chicken and rice. Noel, Noel,...

 ** With the forthcoming US Presidential Election in mind… A candidate came home in the small hours and gave his wife the wonderful news: “Darling, I’ve been elected!” She was delighted. “Honestly?”  she demanded. He laughed in an embarrassed sort of way. “Oh, why bring that up?” * Old politicians never die – they just...

A spirit guest? Moses revisited Ten Commandments Sorry The language of church-going Noah and the Ark – 2020 version New York Prayer for the sick Learning from the young Telling the time Where? Home Aliens Put it this way… ** A spirit guest? When new neighbours moved in next door, they held a House Warming...

Editor:  As Party Conference season begins and the US Presidential election draws closer: Are politicians the oldest profession? A surgeon, an architect and a politician were arguing as to whose profession was the oldest.  Said the surgeon: “Eve was made from Adam’s rib, and that surely was a surgical operation.” “Maybe,” admitted the architect, “but...

** Keep your distance! I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch you with a six-foot pole” would become national policy, but here we are! ** Body parts  A doctor in our village surgery often plays a game with his younger patients to put them at ease, and to test their knowledge of body parts....

New version of Apostles’ Creed When our church began live streaming its services, our minister was at first a bit nervous. Still, he kept his cool, and you would never have known he was struggling until he reached the Apostles’ Creed. Then he firmly announced that Jesus was…”confused by the Holy Ghost, born of the...

Here are some excruciating one-liners… What time of day was Adam created? Just a little before Eve. Who was the fastest runner in the race? Adam. He was first in the human race. Why are atoms Catholic? Because they all have mass. Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark? Because Noah was always standing...