Viewing all items in Resource Category: Smile Lines
A selection of jokes and humour to ‘lift’ your magazine, and make your readers smile
- ** Not expecting this The young minister took his wife to the Maternity Hospital and was told it would be a long labour. So, he agreed to ring at lunchtime for news. But when he phoned, he dialled the wrong number and got the County Cricket Ground. He said: “I brought my wife to your...Smile Lines (all) for May 2022
- Editor: 5th April is end of the tax year. So, your readers may want to reflect that… A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. A few more deductions, and your take-home pay isn’t going to be enough to get you there. A penny saved is a...Smile-Lines (all) for April 2022
- ** Editor: With Mothering Sunday in mind…. you could consider running the same quiz on the youngsters in your church! Why God made mums These were the answers given by some seven- year-olds… Why did God make mothers? 1. She’s the only one who knows all the passwords we use online. 2. Mostly to clean...Smile Lines (all) for March 2022
- Editor: With Valentine’s Day in mind… The Rules of Marriage Here are the real-life answers from a group of children: How do you decide who to marry? You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the...Smile Lines (all) for February 2022
- ** With Epiphany in mind… I was telling my three boys the story of the Nativity and how the Wise Men brought gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh for the infant Jesus. Clearly giving it a lot of thought, my six-year-old observed, “Mum, a Wise Woman would have brought nappies.” ** Cry Pharaoh! A visiting...Smile Lines (all) for January 2022
- ** Camels In Jane’s Christmas drawing, two of the camels were approaching the inn, over which was pictured a large star. The third camel and its rider were going directly away from it. “Why is the third man going in a different direction?” her mother asked. Jane replied: “Oh, he’s looking for a place to...Smile Lines for December (all)
- ** Parade for Remembrance Service Local newspapers advertising church services don’t always get it quite right. Such as the local paper advertising a Remembrance Day service, who should have printed: There will be a parade of uniformed organisations. Instead, they printed: There will be a parade of uniformed organists. ** Iniquities A keen young boy,...Smile Lines (all) for November 2021
- Editor: Here are some more real-life extracts from church bulletins and notices that didn’t come out quite in the way intended! The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility. Harvest Supper Friday at 6pm. Prayer and medication to follow. The Men’s group will meet at 6pm. Steak, mashed potatoes,...Smile Lines (all) for October 2021
- ** Bifocals A preacher went into the pulpit one Sunday morning wearing a pair of new bifocals. The reading portion of the glasses improved his vision considerably, but the top portion of the glasses didn’t work so well. In fact, he was experiencing dizziness every time he looked through them. Finally, he apologised to the...Smile Lines (all) September 2021
- ** Hard to tell During a summer music festival, a punk rocker stopped at the front desk of the reception tent to ask if there were any messages for her. The desk clerk handed her an unsigned note, and she asked for a description of the person who had left it. “That’s easy,” replied the...Smile Lines (all) for August 2021
- Editor: With holidays approaching, some of the following may strike a chord with your readers! Holiday: an all-expense tour Holiday: something you take when you can’t take what you’ve been taking any longer. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight before you appear in a swimsuit, because by then your body...Smile-lines (all) for July 2021
- ** Neighbourhood Watch In one small rural village the local vet also led the local Neighbourhood Watch group. Late one night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, “Is your husband there?” “He is, but tell me, do you need him as the vet or the Neighbourhood Watch?” the wife asked....Smile Lines (all) for June 2021